The bridesmaid has played an important role in weddings for centuries. It’s a position that can have a lot of responsibility, from planning parts of the day to escorting the bride to her wedding. But if you have been asked to stand with your friend, there’s one question you need to answer. Who pays for the dress?
As customs from around the world become more intermingled, it’s understandable that there can be some confusion over etiquette. In the US, the bridesmaid would be expected to pay for her own dress, organise and fund the bachelorette and even contribute towards the wedding. In the UK the bride, or whoever is paying for the wedding, would expect to include the bridesmaid dresses in that cost. However, that’s not always the case. If you do want to ask your wedding party to contribute, here are some things to consider first.
The cost of matching bridesmaid dresses.
As with all aspects of wedding planning, setting a budget is key. Bridesmaid dresses can cost anywhere between £70 to £500. With the average wedding already being over £20,000, spending £500 for every bridesmaid dress may feel like a huge addition. So why would you go for the top end of the budget?
Choosing your bridesmaid dresses from a wedding boutique will undoubtedly have a higher price tag. They are made to order, fitted to each of your attendants and with bespoke detailing. When you choose them, you specify the material and colours. You can also choose a different style for each maid, such as a halter neck for one bridesmaid and off-the-shoulder straps for another, suiting their figure and comfort level, while still retaining some uniformity in appearance. This is ideal for the bride who wants picture perfection, but understandably, it will cost more.
On the other hand, you can choose some beautiful and appropriate dresses on the high street, starting from around £70. Buying off the peg from a high street shop will certainly reduce the price tag, but you’ll be restricted to a single style and length for everyone.
Alternatively, allow each bridesmaid to select a dress they feel comfortable in, while still staying within your colour scheme. This more flexible approach still creates some beautiful images. So, is it really necessary that all the bridesmaids match?
The changing styles of bridesmaid dress
When Queen Victoria married in 1840, she wore a magnificent white gown, with her 12 bridesmaids all in white dresses beside her.
Before this time, brides and bridesmaids had worn dresses in all colours. Medieval brides had favoured green, but there was no strict etiquette. Bridesmaids presumably wore the best dress they had. Following Victoria’s wedding, white became the preferred colour, indicating purity and innocence. The trend for white bridesmaid dresses continued, and so to help the bride stand out, societal rules adapted to say that bridesmaids should be younger and unmarried, often leading to child bridesmaids. White stayed fashionable until the end of the century when brides re-discovered that they could personalise their weddings with a colourful wedding party.
Through the 20th century, brides returned to having friends stand by their side, children were downsized to flower girls, and colours were back in – but the idea of matching dresses continues as a tradition today, particularly in more formal weddings.
Should the bride still pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
According to a poll run by Hitched.co.uk, 83% of people believe the bride should pay for the dresses, especially when she is specifying the style and colour and choosing a design at the higher end of the budget. With one in five bridesmaids saying they didn’t like their dress and would be unlikely to wear it again, it’s reasonable they wouldn’t want to pay boutique prices for it.
If you do want your bridesmaids to contribute, it would be more considerate to let them choose their dress. You may provide guidelines around general styles and colour, or ask for the final say, but by picking themselves they can suit their body type, height, skin tone and body confidence. Then you’ll have bridesmaids who feel more comfortable on the day, which will be reflected in the pictures, and they’ll have a dress they can wear again.
Who pays for the bridesmaid accessories?
It seems bridesmaids are more willing to spend their own cash on accessories. 76 % of bridesmaids are happy to pick up the cost of their shoes.
Opinion is more equally split for other expenses. The general rule of thumb is, if the bride insists on a certain look, they should foot the bill. So, jewellery, hair accessories, bags, even hairstyle and makeup all come down to bridal discretion. If you insist on a certain aesthetic or the expense of make-up designers, consider shouldering the cost.
If you have decided to ask bridesmaids to contribute, make sure this is clear when you first ask them to stand by your side. In the US, it would be expected, but here in the UK, you may cause unnecessary friction further down the line as bills come in and budgets increase. Remember that while this is your big day and your friends want to support you, they will have other commitments and may opt out of being a bridesmaid if they feel the financial commitment is too high.
When you ask, be honest and keep it simple. “I would love for you to be my bridesmaid, but I am on a tight budget and can’t pay for your dress. If you can contribute, you would of course be able to choose the dress you want.”
No matter how the traditions around the role of bridesmaids have changed, one thing stays the same. The excitement you feel getting dressed and ready for your day with your closest friends is a huge part of the wedding morning. We know it’s a special part of the day, and we think The Stables makes for the perfect location to get your first glass of bubbly in together.
If you’d like to see our beautiful, luxurious wedding suite, just call us to arrange a viewing. We have a list of recommended hair stylists and make-up artists who would be happy to meet you also if you’re looking for suggestions.
With Love, The Team at Coton House Farm x
