When it comes to planning your wedding, one of the very first discussions you need to have should be around budget. It may not be romantic, but working out a general estimate of your costs and who may be happy to contribute should be settled early on in the wedding planning process.
Traditionally, a bride’s family was expected to foot most of the bill, while a groom’s family might contribute in a smaller way – an evolution from the idea of a dowry. This old-fashioned approach doesn’t allow for LGBTQ weddings or today’s more blended family scenarios. So, who does pay for the majority of your wedding day?
Setting the budget for your wedding
According to Hitched.co.uk, the average cost of a wedding in 2023 was £20,700. That is an increase of £2,300 from the year before, mostly due to the economy and rising costs for suppliers, particularly in the food and drink industry. Over 65% of couples spend £15k or more on their wedding, with guest experience as top priority.
The average age of couples choosing to marry is also increasing. This means they have had time to establish themselves in a career, build up their savings, and prioritise other financial commitments before the wedding, including buying a home. Parents, on the other hand, often don’t have the funds available to foot the entire bill, particularly when they have more than one child to consider. In modern weddings, most couples plan to pay for the majority of the day themselves.
The benefits of managing the costs of your wedding day
Taking on the wedding costs as a couple has several advantages, not least being that you can plan exactly the wedding you want, spending more on the parts of the day that mean most to you, without interference from parents. Sharing the cost as a couple also avoids any potential conflict or embarrassment between families over the size of the contribution they can make.
However, the financial commitment can add to the stress of your planning and cause conflict between you as a couple, so it’s important you discuss your priorities and expectations for the day and set your budget first.
Accepting contributions to your wedding day
That’s not to say that your parents, family and friends should not be allowed to contribute if they would like to. But be careful in how you approach it.
Ask your parents if they would like to help with funds. But before you accept any money, ask them if they have any expectations of where that money will be spent. It’s not unusual for parents to want their contribution to go towards something that is their priority, but not yours. They might expect you to invite large swathes of your family tree when you want to prioritise your friends. When you have a limited number of seats available, this can be an issue.
There is no polite way to ask guests to pay for their own meals. It’s your celebration, and you’ve invited guests because you want to share your happiness. Your loved ones will have already spent money on an outfit, travel and accommodation to be with you. However, it is acceptable to ask guests whether, instead of gifts, they might like to contribute to your honeymoon. While there is no obligation on them to do so, most guests are happy to give cash as a gift.
Who pays for the smaller items?
It seems to be common practice in the US that bridesmaids and groomsmen are asked to pay for their own dresses and suits. However, in the UK, tradition holds that the couple pay for their wedding parties. If you are going to ask your friends to wear outfits you have chosen, and that they will likely never find another occasion to wear again, it seems only fair you should cover the expense.
However, there is no set rule, and some UK brides do ask their bridal party to pay for dresses. (We’ll focus on the bridesmaids as hiring suits for men generally cost less.) If you plan to do that, make it clear at the same time as asking your friends to stand with you, and be prepared to graciously accept a refusal. As a middle ground, brides may pay for shoes, jewellery and accessories instead.
No matter who does contribute in some way, whether it’s financial donations from parents or time spent planning hen and stag events by friends, remember to be appreciative and thank them. With every moment of time or any penny spent, that person is showing their support for your happiness.
Budgeting for your wedding made simpler by Coton House Farm
We know that setting your budget seems daunting, especially when every venue has different options. At Coton House Farm we want to make our pricing as easy to navigate as possible with packages that offer choice.
The Luxury package is a day that includes all the intricacies of a traditional wedding with optional add-ons to ensure your big day stands out to your guests as a night to remember.
The Twilight Package is a more relaxed affair. Beginning later in the day, you and your partner are able to keep venue hire expenses to a minimum, whilst enjoying street food and dancing for an evening of love.
At Coton House Farm we also offer choice of our certified catering companies, Jenkinson’s & Dove’s Delights. Perhaps you would like to mix and match a traditional wedding with a simpler, and less expensive food option that might appeal to your crowd more? The choice is yours.
To find out more about our pricing and package options, get in touch!
With love,
The Team at Coton House Farm x
